The Dog Rules

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The dog is not permitted in the house. The dog stays outside in a specially built doghouse.

OKAY, the dog can enter the house, but only for short visits, or if his own house is being renovated.

OKAY, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis provided his doghouse can be sold at a car-boot sale.

Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined to a comfortable, but secure metal cage.

OKAY, the cage becomes part of a "two for the price of one" deal at the car-boot sale and the dog can go wherever the hell he pleases.

The dog is never allowed on the furniture.

OKAY, the dog can get up on the old furniture, but not the new furniture.

OKAY, the dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the old furniture and then we'll sell the whole works and buy new furniture on which the dog will most definitely not be allowed.

The dog never sleeps on the bed. Never ever.

OKAY, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed only.

OKAY, the dog can sleep alongside you, but he's not allowed under the covers.

OKAY, the dog can sleep under the covers, but not with his head on the pillow.

OKAY, the dog can sleep alongside you, under the covers, with his head on the pillow, but if he snores, he has to leave the room.

OKAY, the dog can sleep and snore and fart and have nightmares in your bed, but he's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the living room, where you are now sleeping. That's just not fair. Who does he think he is? Anyway, who is the boss around here?